Every now and then, I get a lovely link posted on my
Facebook timeline. (I just realized there was really no reason to specify “Facebook”
there. Where else would one post a link,
after all?) Some are from friends, a lot
involve Gilmore Girls.
Recently there was this:
And my first reaction, as it always is to being referred to
as strong was…really? Me? I’m just a kid
from a small town. OK, so yea, I’ve been
through some sh*t. Haven’t we all. Then I thought back to just how much sh*t I’ve actually been through.
Whoa. Yea, maybe if I wasn’t so strong I would have been in
a strait jacket in a padded room by now. I have been a daughter, a sister, a wife, a
divorcee, a widow. And a mom. Twice. A grandmother X4. And looking back, it’s close to a miracle we
survived the first time around in the late 70’s. I ended up working for AND living with my
parents for awhile. I never thought of that as being a sign of strength.
However I always did what I had to do to make it work, to see that my daughter
had all that she needed.
I’ve been happy. God, I have known love and happiness. Briefly. And then terminal death came knocking and I
was on my own again. I don’t know how I survived that time but somehow I
did. I had a daughter who counted on me,
who needed me. I never let her see me break. Never let her see me weak. I cried
on my own time, screamed at God on my own time.
Sat on the stairs and cried on my own time. I had to be strong for her. That was the only thing I knew for sure. I had to know that she had no fear of it all
falling apart. No matter how tenuous my grip on it was.
I got married again. Had a daughter again. Ended up single
again. Again, I had a daughter who was going through her own issues with the
mess we’d made. I stood firm against her
anger and her hurt. I let her have at it, absorbed all she could dish out, and
patiently waited for her to come to terms with certain things. And on it went.
Moved to VA, got in a really crappy relationship, came back home and moved into
the house I grew up in so that my mom wouldn’t be alone with her habit of
falling over nothing. Through the 16 years that I’ve been divorced, I hope, I
pray that my girls see that it’s not a bad thing to be on your own. I have
survived all this marriage disaster and I am Still. Strong. I never lost MYSELF. Then there came the time
that I realized that I am (and this is not to say that I don’t LOVE being these
things) not just Ruth’s daughter, Stacie’s mom, Katie’s mom, Faith, Kayla, Brady and Seany’s Mama Tess. I am, proudly, Tess. I've taken back my fathers name. With the (somewhat
miraculous) love and support of The Fiance, and my kids, I have become who I
was meant to be. Through more heartbreak than I sometimes care to remember,
through divorces and deaths, the loss of a brother who I adored, my parents who, though I sometimes took them for
granted, and occasionally really REALLY disliked them, were always there for me, never let me fall. I
want to be that parent, the one who accepts their faults and their quirks, and
I want to say that I have, I want to know that I have. I’ve
come to a place where I am happy. My girls are grown up, though I hope they
still feel like they need me now and then.
I hope that I truly have taught them all these things:
1. You learn the value of independence.
2. You learn the meaning of unconditional love.
3. You learn how to love yourself.
4. You learn that you can be both strong and soft.
5.
You learn that it’s not easy being a woman.
6. You learn
never to look back.
7. You learn the
importance of patience and faith.
8. You learn how
to create your own happiness.
9. You
learn that she still knows more about love than you do.
10. You learn how to be a
good mother.
If my girls have learned these things, then I have done my job. If my
granddaughters learn these things, I’ve done overtime.
Chorus
papa didn’t raise no fool/no fool/no fool/papa didn’t raise no fool/no fool/no fool X2
V1
you want a story kid?/well let me kick it then/don’t fall victim to the miseries of wicked men/don’t pay attention to the failures of the people you/see as the icons/there ain't no precedent for you/you’re all alone/but I don’t mean that to disillusion/but find your feet/get your stride/and get to moving/people hate/it's like a default or a precondition/forget those people/don’t you ever/ever listen/life is music so play your own violins/you write the symphony/decide when you think it ends/question everything/but that’s a given/don’t become hypnotised by nobody else's rhythm/cry when you wanna cry/sing when you wanna sing/you ain’t happy with your life/change it then/people moan about the world/but do nothing for it/see the problems that exist/but then ignore them/treat ‘em well/but don’t let 'em play you for a fool/pinch of salt when you digest what they give to you/love your mother/whoever she turns out to be/I’m sure she’s beautiful/like you/I can't wait to see/life is fragile/so even if I’m not around/know I went out in a blaze of righteous sound/speak my name frequently/so you remember me/coz easily the dust/settles on our memories
V2
papa didn’t raise no fool/no fool/no fool/papa didn’t raise no fool/no fool/no fool X2
V1
you want a story kid?/well let me kick it then/don’t fall victim to the miseries of wicked men/don’t pay attention to the failures of the people you/see as the icons/there ain't no precedent for you/you’re all alone/but I don’t mean that to disillusion/but find your feet/get your stride/and get to moving/people hate/it's like a default or a precondition/forget those people/don’t you ever/ever listen/life is music so play your own violins/you write the symphony/decide when you think it ends/question everything/but that’s a given/don’t become hypnotised by nobody else's rhythm/cry when you wanna cry/sing when you wanna sing/you ain’t happy with your life/change it then/people moan about the world/but do nothing for it/see the problems that exist/but then ignore them/treat ‘em well/but don’t let 'em play you for a fool/pinch of salt when you digest what they give to you/love your mother/whoever she turns out to be/I’m sure she’s beautiful/like you/I can't wait to see/life is fragile/so even if I’m not around/know I went out in a blaze of righteous sound/speak my name frequently/so you remember me/coz easily the dust/settles on our memories
V2
youth is wasted on foolishness and
indiscretion/but don’t you worry about that/you gotta learn them lessons/you'll
make mistakes/that’s just what we do/but learning this way is worth more than
what you’ll learn in school/avoid religion/it’s ignorance/and breeds
contempt/blind faith is for the weak/who don’t use their heads/you see
injustice/speak out and kill it dead/apathy is the worst thing that exists in
men/money's important but don’t put it on a pedestal/if you got no soul/what
the hell did you get it for?/you lack respect if you sold out to make your
way/it ain’t worth it/you'll burn in the paper chase/life has rules/but most of
them are made for breaking/it’s full of jewels/and most of them are made for
taking/don’t be timid/and don’t shy/no one gives you nothing/you take it/or you
step aside/the odds are stacked/but that’s the way I like it/who wants it on a
platter?/I wanna take it fighting/be a dreamer/but don’t dream your life
away/be idealistic/but execute the things you say/and when your time comes/and
you face the dark abyss/and for the first time you see what the darkness
is/you’ll say/”damn, now they gonna remember me”/”I won’t let the dust settle
on these memories
V3
your grandma’s gone/but trust me she'd have loved you/and you'd have loved her back/her spirit would have touched you/my sole regret is not taking better care of her/when she was sick/but I was young and not aware of the/repercussions of the impact of my actions/it stays with always/my own private sadness/but listen closely/when I tell you/regret is something that will never/ever/help you/you let it go/don’t hold to hatred/it eats you up alive/strips you 'til you’re naked/this planet's full up with misdirected rage/inherited malevolence that eats away the brain/that’s not for you/you’re a light that’s gonna shine/illuminate the darkness/and one more time/you can say
V3
your grandma’s gone/but trust me she'd have loved you/and you'd have loved her back/her spirit would have touched you/my sole regret is not taking better care of her/when she was sick/but I was young and not aware of the/repercussions of the impact of my actions/it stays with always/my own private sadness/but listen closely/when I tell you/regret is something that will never/ever/help you/you let it go/don’t hold to hatred/it eats you up alive/strips you 'til you’re naked/this planet's full up with misdirected rage/inherited malevolence that eats away the brain/that’s not for you/you’re a light that’s gonna shine/illuminate the darkness/and one more time/you can say
No comments:
Post a Comment